I backslid.

One Sunday night last year while I was visiting my Nana, I went to church.

I’ve been going to this church since I was born over my past 20 years of my life when I’m in Michigan. I’ve never been a religious person & actually had no faith at all, didn’t even believe it in but I only went for my Nana.

There was this new Pastor who had joined the church from when I last visited.

Never met this man in my life. 

He came up to me & told me that he knew who I was, that he knew I didn’t want to be there, and how so much is going on in my life, and how they way I was acting.

He then told me if I just simply took one step towards the lord things would be different and how god had a special plan awaiting for me.

I just brushed it off, thought this man was insane.

The next church service they had I went, even though I didn’t want to go. I sat there in the pews as this new pastor told everyone to come forth and pray.

Throughout my 20 years of going to this church whenever I was in Michigan, I never got this urge to go to the altar as I did that night.

I went up there, bowed my head, and instantly started crying, No idea why? But I started praying, my whole body started to shake, I felt something, I wasn’t sure what. 

Alot of people came around, started praying with me, speaking in tongues. Telling me to just let go of this world and reach for the lord, that’s all i had to do… 

I’ve seen a few people convert themselves to the lord and get the holy ghost, which led them to Glossolalia which is speaking in tongues.. the sacred language. A gift from god you could say, most people will never experience this.

I still sat there in the same spot praying.. but there was this little part of me that didnt want to let go of the life I was living.

So i decided to get baptized in hope this might change the way I feel about things and how this was going to be my fresh start towards the lord, and i would work the world out of my life along the way.

I got baptized, afterwards I went into the bathroom to dry off. A bunch of the ladies of the church came in to congratulate me on moving towards the lord. Tears started rolling down peoples faces, alot of praying started to happen. Next thing I know I’m doing both. I’ve never felt such a power on me in my entire life. It was so strong I really couldn’t control myself from shaking, I continued to really pray, I reached my hands out, next thing I knew I was speaking this jibberjabbish.. realizing I was speaking in tongues. Not to mention I was NEVER a believer of this until it happened to me. I officially got the holy ghost.

After that night, Things got much better for me, I got a job, Got to talking to my mom again. Found a boyfriend who also wanted the same things as I did and also felt the same way I did about god. I never felt so much happier.. 

I started working so much that I never had time to go to church, I started losing focus, not caring, going back into my old ways, lost my boyfriend, constantly back sliding. 

Now.. I’m farther than what I was into this stupid world then I was before.

I want to live that special plan god has for me.. Because I know that life will make up for how my life went wrong at one point and I know I’ll be so much happier.. I know of this.

But I cant let go of this life I reverted back to.. I just need help again.. 

i havent blogged in awhile.

I’ll give a little update on what’s been going on..

Well. My momma came out here for a week. Seeing her after almost two years made me realize how much I miss her & how much I do need her. I hate how my whole family is either in Arizona, Florida, or Michigan. I hate being the only one here, I don’t like being on my own at all.

I’m off probation next month. Got all my fines paid off, just working on paying my 1,000 dollars worth of tickets off so I can get my damn license back again.

Working full time at Chili’s and third shift at Waffle house.. I wanna make bank what can i say? not the best of jobs but its what suits me for right now.

Having an okay love life. Been balancing between a few people, seeing what’s out there and what i’m exactly looking for. Only problem is, I have the thought every relationship I start is going to go to shit just like every relationship I get into. So i’m going to try to start not reading into things so much as I usually do.

I got a new kitty Jerry, I think she will fill the void in my life that’s been missing. I thought i couldn’t love another animal but im slowly finding out i can.

i think thats about it.

You can talk shit all you want

But I’m going to prove all you motherfuckers wrong.

O_o

I hate when somebody camps on the mother fuckin joint.

Take the damn hit and pass the shit.

I mean especially if the shit is mine.

Damn lol.

haha i think its neat.

Finally after five years, He’s mine :)

Pissed

So I get yellled at for texting while working out and how i dont have time for him due to me texting and all this other bullshit in front of tons of people.

I’ve been working out for the past hour and not texting and he’s been outside talking to his friends.

I’m just so…